Category Archives: Friendship

Accountability, Faith, Family, Forgiveness, Friendship, God, Love

Ask and it will be given

2 Comments

(Sharing something I had written three years ago.  As real then as it is now.)

April 20, 2011.  Wednesday afternoon, Mike’s doctor called to tell us that there was a cornea available that fits the profile needed by Mike. A 21-year old gunshot victim. A quick decision was needed; otherwise, the cornea would no longer be suitable. Mike decided to go for the transplant, and so it seemed that our journey for the past two and half years was coming to a close.

It all began when Mike decided to go for cataract surgery.  He had a cataract in his right eye removed over 15 years ago, and everything had gone well. He has also had laser surgery to correct his vision, and that went well too. So he thought nothing of having his left eye fixed, and decided to go to Asian Hospital and ask them for a recommendation.  He met up with a young woman doctor who had trained in the United States, and whose clinic hours worked favorably for his schedule. Mike was impressed with the confident way she spoke, and thought he was in good hands. After a few visits, he decided to schedule the surgery.

It was a very busy time, work-wise, and so it was only on surgery day that I was able to accompany him to Asian Hospital. Before the surgery, I spoke to the doctor and asked her to walk me through what was going to happen. She told me it was a simple 15-minute procedure using the latest equipment, and assured me that she had done it several times. All she needed to do was replace the lens with a new one.  He didn’t even have to be confined.

I settled to wait in the lobby and worked on my laptop while waiting for the operation.  After an hour, I approached the nurses’ window to ask how the operation was going. They said everything was OK.  Assured, I went back to work. After another 30 minutes had passed, I again approached the window.  This time, the lady doctor came out and said Mike was just resting.  Not to worry.  But when another 45 minutes had passed, and still no Mike, I became really agitated and demanded to know what was happening. The nurses had no answer. I paced back and forth and kept coming back.

Three hours after the operation had started, the doctor finally came out and said everything was OK. I asked her why it had taken so long, when she said it would just take 15 minutes. She said there was a slight complication, but not to worry, his eye would heal and he should be able to see clearly in a few days.

When I saw Mike, my heart sank.  It looked like he had been pummeled, and his eye was grotesquely out of shape. I put up a brave front, and brought him home after settling all the hospital bills.

After several post-op visits and Mike could still not see, we began to worry. His doctor kept giving many reasons why Mike’s eye was not responding as quickly as it should.  I was shocked to learn later that they had to call another doctor to finish the operation because his own doctor had panicked during the procedure and could not put in the lens. His cornea was irreparably damaged due to the long wait that the eye was open and irrigated for the operation.

We consulted different eye specialists, but the prognosis was always the same: he would never recover clear eyesight in his left eye. The only glimmer of hope left was a cornea transplant, and that would be a hit and miss affair.  Nevertheless, we signed up at the eye bank.

Later, Mike found a doctor he liked and could trust wholeheartedly in the person of Dr. Manolette Roque.  An earnest young and distinguished doctor, Manolette had set up the Eye Republic Ophthalmology Clinic.  Manolette quickly became Mike’s confidante and friend.  Both highly IT-literate, they discussed different options for surgery and explored new technologies as they became available.

Being a prolific writer, Mike was severely affected.  Physically, he was in a lot of pain. He got tired easily.  He also lost his depth vision, and would sometimes walk into the wall, or miss the glass as he was pouring a drink. Financially, the constant medicines and visits were a strain.  Emotionally, it took a heavy toll.  He kept blaming himself for choosing the wrong doctor.  He even asked me if I still wanted him.  All I could do was assure him of my love.

I hated myself for not taking better care of my husband. If only I had not been so wrapped up with work that I did not pay attention to his plans for cataract surgery, we could have spent the time searching for a good doctor.  I had so much anger in my heart. I wanted to hurt the doctor, destroy her reputation, sue her for what she did and prevent her from inflicting similar harm to others. I even went as far as consulting a lawyer.  It galled that she never ever apologized or accepted her fault.  But, Mike, being a very private person, did not want me to talk about the situation or pursue the matter.   He vacillated between wanting to sue her and saying he did not want to destroy her life and her livelihood.  Of the two of us, Mike has always been the better person.

It took a while for Mike to adapt to his new condition.  I swallowed my fear each time he would take the wheel, but knew that if I did not let him drive, it would make him feel even worse.  Forbidden to wet his eyes, Mike also had to forego swimming, snorkelling and diving, activities he enjoyed immensely.  While our family and friends continued to pray for his healing, we all adapted to the situation. What was abnormal became the norm. It was thus a jolt of surprise when Mike received Manolette’s call last Wednesday.

When Mike decided to go on with the transplant, I quickly got my mobile phone out and started to text my children to inform them, and my friends to ask for prayers.  Mike asked me what I was doing, and told me to stop telling people as he didn’t want people to know.  I asked him why, and he said it was just an eye operation, and he did not want to bother anyone, especially since there were other people who were suffering from much more serious conditions.  I stopped what I was doing, but when I learned that he had emailed our excom to advise them he would not be around for our next meeting, I decided to go ahead and ask all my friends and family to pray for him, for Manolette, and for the young cornea donor who had died.  I am so thankful that I did.

Yesterday morning, I was touched by the Lord, and felt His presence in my life.  While waiting for Mike’s surgery to begin, I confided in the Lord that I did not know how to pray to Him.  I opened my Bible cover, and saw tucked into a side pocket, a small novena that someone had given me long ago and which I had never read.  It was entitled “Novena to God’s Love.” In the inside back cover, there was a prayer of thanksgiving and surrender.  While reading it, I felt a wave of calm pass over me.  Then, flipping through the pages, I discovered that the footnote for each page was calling out to me:

“Ask and it will be given to you, seek and you will find, knock and the door will be opened to you.” Matthew 7:7

“Your Father knows what you need before you ask Him.” Matthew 6:8

“My God will fully supply whatever you need, in accord with His glorious riches in Christ Jesus.” Philippians 4:19

“If you ask anything of me in my name, I will do it.” John 14:14

“Amen, amen, I say to you, whatever you ask the Father in my name, He will give you.” John 16:23

“Blessed be the God and Father of our Lord Jesus Christ, who has blessed us in Christ with every spiritual blessing in the heavens. Ephesian 1:3

“Therefore I tell you, all that you ask for in prayer, believe that you will receive it and it shall be yours.” Mark 11:24

Surely, I thought, this was the Lord telling me not to worry, that he would take care of Mike.  And so, I felt strangely calm while the operation was going on.

When I was told that Mike was now in the recovery room, I asked the nurses if I could see Mike. They said I could not go in, but that I could peek at him through the glass window.  After checking on him, I returned to the nurses’ window to ask if I could see the surgeon and the anaesthesiologist so I could thank them personally.  I was told they had already left.  Then a lady doctor who had passed me earlier and was already quite a distance away, doubled back and approached me, introducing herself as the anaesthesiologist. She assured me that Mike was fine. I was so happy that I could thank her personally, since I had never met her before.

While waiting in the lobby for Mike to recover, another lady doctor approached the nurses’ window. She had her back to me, but she seemed strangely familiar. When she turned, I smiled at her.  She then approached me. When she was closer, I realized that she was the doctor who had fumbled up Mike’s cataract surgery two and half years ago.

She introduced herself and asked why I was there.  I said I was waiting for Mike to recover from the cornea transplant surgery.  She asked how he was.  I am ashamed to say that at that moment, I wanted to hurt her, but suddenly, the words I had read earlier in Mark 11:25-26 flashed before my eyes: “When you stand to pray, forgive anyone whom you have a grievance, so that your heavenly Father may in turn forgive you your transgressions.”

Instead, I told her: “You know, Mike has suffered so much because of what you did to him two years ago. He has been in pain not just physically, but emotionally, mentally and even spiritually.  I have hated you so much and have wanted to sue you and destroy your reputation for what you have done.  But we have not done so, and after praying, I have realized that I must instead forgive you.”

She started to cry and said that she had not intended for it to happen. I understood then that she must have carried guilt and regret in her heart all this time, and that it must have been a heavy burden for her to carry as well. I just asked her to please make sure that she doesn’t harm anyone else, and that she also speak to my husband and apologize to him.  I then embraced her and we parted.

When Manolette came out of the operating room, I was surprised since the nurse said he had already left. I rushed to hug him and thank him.  That afternoon, after checking on Mike, Manolette said he was very happy with the results of the surgery. He rated the operation as 9 out of 10, and only because he had to give Mike general anaesthesia so he would be asleep during the procedure.

The surgery went well, and he is now at home resting. The next three days are critical though, to ensure that his eye does not get infected or inflamed so that the cornea would hold.  But, Mike can see more clearly now that he could for the past two years, and we are so very grateful to the Lord, and to all those who prayed for Mike!

As we enter the Lenten season, I’d like to share with you a passage from the Book of Isaiah (59:6-9) on true fasting:

“This, rather, is the fasting that I wish: releasing those bound unjustly, untying the thongs of the yoke; setting free the oppressed, breaking every yoke; sharing your bread with the hungry, sheltering the oppressed and the homeless; clothing the naked when you see them, and not turning your back on your own.

Then your light shall break forth like the dawn, and your wound shall quickly be healed; your vindication shall go before you, and the glory of the Lord shall be your rear guard. Then you shall call, and the Lord will answer, you shall cry for help, and he will say: “Here I am.”

Truly we have an amazing God who loves us and makes the impossible possible!  He has everything planned out. I called and He answered.  But first, I had to remove the hate and anger in my heart and learn to forgive.  For it is in forgiving others and ourselves that we open ourselves to healing. How blessed we all are to be called His children!

Family, Food, Friendship, Love

July 15 Birthday Blues

1 Comment
Mike's birthday at Paul and Hazel's home in Bangkok
Mike’s birthday at Paul and Hazel’s home in Bangkok

For the longest time, July 15 was a date I always looked forward to with eager anticipation, planning how best to celebrate my beloved Mike’s birthday.  A shy person, he preferred intimate celebrations, with family and very close friends.  Invariably, it would be a paella and steak dinner, washed down with wine.

Mike loved to sing, retiring to the entertainment room with his friends after dinner for an evening of music. I can’t carry a tune, but loved listening to Mike sing.  I would fall in love with him all over again each time he would sing to me.

On the day he turned 40, his staff at AIM gave him a surprise party.  I dropped by to say hello to the staff, and got invited to the party.  A few weeks later, Mike asked me to marry him.

When he turned 50, I threw him a big surprise party and invited his friends to our house.  It was hard keeping Niccolo from spilling the beans, but Bea and Cara gamely kept him quiet.

We spent his 54th birthday visiting his best friend Paul and his wife Hazel in Bangkok.  Paul cooked up a storm at their flat, and gave him a Superman doll as a gift.  Those two always teased each other endlessly.  When Paul and Hazel came to live in our village, we would celebrate Mike’s birthday at their house.

On his 58th birthday, we invited friends to the Alfonso retreat.  His steak group was there.  And it turned out to be a triple celebration, as we also feted Julia Holz and Mon Jimenez who were also celebrating their birthdays.  Poor Mon!  We didn’t know it was his birthday, so his name wasn’t on the cake that Julia had brought.

I planned a big party for Mike’s 60th, but he didn’t feel up to it.  He had a persistent cough and a fever that wouldn’t go away.  Instead, we had a quiet lunch with just his closest friends at Alfonso. Little did I know that a few months later, the big C would knock the wind off our sails.

He would have been 62 today.  Too young to say good-bye to this world.  How I wish I could wrap my arms around him, give him a kiss and tell him how much I love him!  But in my heart of hearts, I know he knows.

Aishiteiru, Mike, forever and a day!  Happy birthday in heaven!

Family, Food, Friendship, Women

The Wine Lovers Club… How Friendship Began

225881_1034800744562_680_n

July 13, 2014.  Friday night, I went out with my good friends, Angie Laborte, Mongsie Wulff, Miri Medalla and Marie Segura.    Mongsie, a friend from my first job after AIM, is our erstwhile leader.  She organizes all of our get togethers, and is always a lot of fun to be with.  Angie is our social directress.  A friendly person, she knows just about everyone. She is also the one who encouraged me to attend Bible Study Fellowship, to which I’ve been going for four years.  A cancer survivor, she and some friends put together Project Pink to help others cope with the dreaded C.   Miri is a saint.  She is the kindest, gentlest person I know, and her brood of seven boys and one girl are so lucky to have her as their mom.  Marie is a late joiner to the group, but beloved nevertheless.  Marie together with her husband Rodrigo run a training and leadership development team. And then, there’s super banker Chloe Medalla and Dr. Mae Corvera who could not join us that night.

We get together as regularly as Mongsie can arrange, and each time is a breath of fresh air.  It’s great to have girl friends to hang around with, share stories,  laugh and cry with.  And the fact that our husbands are all friends makes it so much easier to go out with each other (read: no need to ask permission).   Also, now that both Sam and Mike are in heaven watching over Miri and me,  we get to go out even more often.

IMG_0398We began the night at Draft, having dinner and Hoegaarden beer  (yes, it was Miri’s first time to have beer, and my third),  and ending it with wine  and Sweet Bella dessert at our favorite watering hole: Ralphs in Molito.  A lot of teasing always accompanied our get-togethers.  This time, I was the target, but didn’t mind.

On the way home, I recalled how we all met seven years ago.  I checked my diary.  It was August 2009, and here’s what I wrote then.

“A funny thing happened Friday a week ago. It was the end of the workweek, and Mike asked me to go with him and our friend Paco Sandejas to a wine testing at Wine Depot.  I turned him down and just asked him to pick me up after the event as I was determined to work late at the office to catch up on backlog.  But I couldn’t find some important files I needed, so when Mike popped back into the office to check on me before he left, I changed my mind and went with him.  Little did I know what was in store for me. 

At Wine Depot, I bumped into neighbors Ped and Carol Pido, whom I hadn’t seen for quite awhile.  I also met two elderly gentlemen, one of whom turned out to be my father’s student in law.  Then, I met two interesting women, Angie Laborte and Miriam Medalla, who asked me if I was interested to join them in a cooking competition since they lacked one more person to form a team. Apparently, Paco Sandejas had told them I knew how to cook.  By then, I was already a bit tipsy and very red from wine (just a few sips and my color comes out in full glory, especially when I’ve had nothing to eat) and so I gamely said yes. 

Well, this turned out to be the Iron Chef competition at Palms Country Club, and the captain of our team happened to be Mongsie Wulff, a friend from when I was young, single and working at my first job after AIM.  We found out later that all three of us (Mongsie, Miriam and I) had husbands who were on the Palms Social Dining Committee, and Angie was a full-fledged member of the same committee.  I resolved to have fun.  After all, I needed the break from all the stress related to work.

And what a break it was!  After an initial discussion, we resolved to meet at Mongsie’s home in Southwoods for a practice session one evening.  We exchanged recipes, cooking and laughing while drinking wine and getting to know each other.  The Iron Chef was scheduled on Saturday.  As the day neared, tension began to mount. None of us were professional chefs; we only cooked for our families, and some of us (ahem) just occasionally.  Captain Mongsie made sure all bases were covered: faxing recipes, making plans, following up, and calling a special meeting at 1pm on D-Day (the competition was supposed to begin at 3pm).

After lunch at home, Mike and I left our village headed for Palms only to find out that both the West Service Road and SLEX were clogged.  We took our chances on the service road, and what a mistake that was!  As we inched our way to Palms, I get a message from Mongsie: “We meet at library. I am here with oxygen mask,” followed shortly with “Group 5 withdrew. The professional group. Rumored they were intimidated by Group 6 (that’s us).”  Mongsie’s dry humor was infectious.    

After donning our red kerchiefs (thank you, Miriam) and saying a short prayer (“Lord, thank you for the friendship you have given us and guide us so that we do not embarrass ourselves too much”), we were ready to cook up a storm.  We signed ourselves in as “The Wine Lovers” in tribute to our first encounter, but pretty soon the emcee began calling us the Desperate Housewives team. 

Six teams were competing, one of which was from Palms.  We were the amateurs.  We were handed our uniforms and toques (pretty nifty!) and introduced to our gentle kitchen assistant, Christian.  No, he was not allowed to cook or cut, only to carry things for us and wash the dishes.  Nevertheless, he was a real boon, an angel in disguise!

228206_1034802144597_5214_n 228551_1034802104596_4932_nAfter the first frenzied hour of deciding how to cook the salmon, tiger prawns and beef blade for 12 people, we hardly felt the next three hours as we worked on the task at hand.  We agreed to do Miriam’s mom’s secret recipe for the salmon as appetizer, coupled with a green salad with Angie’s dressing, and a duo of Mongsie’s special beef goulash recipe, and my prawn and mushroom stuffed capsicum for the entrée. 

With only two stove top burners assigned to us and both being used by Mongsie, Angie and I retired to the main kitchen to cook.  What an experience!  And I thought organizing international conferences was hard.  Well, I now have a real appreciation for chefs!

225576_1034802024594_4362_nAfter seeing all the dainty and pretty-as-picture dishes the other teams prepared and comparing our hefty servings (hey, we all know how much our children and husbands eat!), we were all laughing so hard tears sprung to our eyes.  There’s no way we could compete presentation-wise, but since taste was 60% of the criteria, we felt we might just squeak by.  So, we just decided to relax and drink after all the hard work.

222376_1034800664560_146_nWell, we didn’t bring home any of the three awards, but we all felt like winners, with husbands, children and friends cheering us on and declaring us the winners in their hearts and stomachs.  What a wonderful experience it was!  We all resolved to meet once a month to cook for our families and continue the beautiful friendship that began a week ago at a wine tasting event which I almost passed up.

Here’s a toast to friendship!”

It’s been seven years since that cooking competition, and I thank God for these girlfriends of mine.  I look forward to getting old with them. Love them all!