Category Archives: Work

Business, Corporate Social Responsibility, Event Management, Travel, Work

TeamAsia turns 27!

1 Comment

Today marks our 27th year.  As I look back, I can’t help but reminisce a bit, seeing this behind-the-scenes ingress video of one of our events in the TeamAsia LinkedIn Page.

We started in 1992 as an event management company organizing the Asian Management Awards for the Asian Institute of Management and the Far Eastern Economic Review in six Asian countries (Malaysia, Singapore, Hongkong, Indonesia, Thailand and the Philippines). Back then, we were just a team of four: Mike Hamlin, my sister Pinky, Myles and me.

Mike and I would travel to each country, meet with the judges, the AIM board of governors, the AIM alumni association, business management schools, as well as local and regional media to invite companies to enter the Awards.  We would print several thousand letters and nomination packets and send them out by snail mail.

Once the entries started coming in, we would pour over each one to ensure completeness of the responses. We would then organize meetings in each country to shortlist and then select winners, and with the media to promote the Awards.  Once the winners were known, we would write each one to invite them to a gala awards dinner with the head of state as keynote speaker.

Raising sponsorship money to cover the cost of the project was another nail-biting challenge, as well as coordinating with the venue, caterers, florists, stylists, audio-visual suppliers, photographers and the like to ensure a successful press conference and awarding ceremonies.  Why, we would even have to write the script ourselves.

Days before the gala awards in each country, our team would arrive armed with the glass trophies designed by Impy Pilapil and the exhibits that we would then have to physically carry and set-up ourselves.  We would coordinate with the local registration team, print out tags, set-up registration, and brief the hired ushers for the event.  We would arrange seating for between 500-700 VIP business guests, supervise the setting up of the backdrop and the styling of the venue, then dress up in formal clothes to greet the guests and manage the actual event.

Looking back, I am amazed that we were able to successfully organize the Awards for three years, at a time when there were no mobile phones, no faxes, no emails, no Internet.  Truly, we’ve come a long way since then.

When we learned about the importance of sustainability through the League of Corporate Foundations, we decided to practice greening not just in our office, but in our events to reduce waste and impact on the environment. In the early days of event management, we would print thousands of direct mail invitations and send them by snail mail.  As new technology was developed, we graduated to fax marketing and email marketing, supported by our team of dedicated telemarketers.  Today, we promote our events through digital media, and hold virtual coordination meetings to avoid time-wasting city traffic.

We use event technology as an enabler to make the planning and marketing process easier, to engage guests and enhance their delegate experience, to capture online and onsite registration, share up-to-date event information to guests, collect their feedback, strengthen security, measure ROI, and more.  We develop award-winning websites, mobile apps, AVPs, chatbots and audience response systems, and use different technologies for the WOW factor. Speaker presentations are no longer printed and bound in folders, but posted on the website and sent to guests for downloading.

While technology has in many ways made life easier for us, I must say that the secret ingredient to TeamAsia’s success is still the amazing people who create innovative ideas and deliver next-level experiences for brands using integrated marketing strategies.

From intimate executive briefings, corporate anniversary celebrations, and employee engagement activities to large-scale global conferences, TeamAsia handles each event with the same passion, excitement, and painstaking attention to detail.  Armed with excellent organizational and story-telling skills and a creative approach to problem solving, our Experience, Creative, Content and Digital Marketing teams create unique turnkey events that bring next level experiences to brands, helping them connect meaningfully with their audiences.

Happy 27th anniversary, TeamAsia!   It’s been an amazing adventure.

Training, Women, Work

Kick Some Glass!

November 19, 2018.  This morning, the Women’s Business Council of the Philippines, Inc. (WomenBizPH) held a learning session entitled “Kick Some Glass” at the Dusit Thani Hotel Manila.  Though tired from an exhausting APAC Tour (she flew in late last night from India and has to leave for the US tomorrow), Ms. Jennifer Martineau of the Center for Creative Leadership (CCL) gamely shared research-based lessons captured in her book Kick Some Glass: 10 Ways Women Succeed at Work on Their Own Terms.

Ranked Top 10 in the 2018 Financial Times for worldwide executive education, the Center for Creative Leadership traces its roots to the Smith Richardson Foundation, set up by H. Smith Richardson,  son of Lundsford Richardson, a pharmacist in Greensboro, North Caroline who developed household mainstay, Vick’s VapoRub.  CCL’s mission is to advance the understanding, practice and development of leadership for the benefit of society worldwide.  Today, it has more than 700 faculty and staff on 11 campuses in 9 countries on 6 continents, serving more than 60,000 leaders and 3,000 organizations annually from more than 100 countries and delivering sustainable results that matter.

As senior vice president of research, evaluation, and societal advancement at CCL, Ms. Martineau serves as the lead relationship manager for highly complex organizational leadership solutions and as lead facilitator for several of CCL’s programs.  Quite personable, Jennifer gave us a glimpse of her personal life as a wife for 29 years, mother of three adult children, professed beach and lake fanatic, and recent convert from cat to dog-lover.  What comes across clearly is her passion for leadership research, and how to apply this in practical and powerful ways for women leaders, many times drawing lessons from her personal experience.

Jennifer’s presentation was rich with strategies for advancement which women can apply personally or as a mentor, sponsor, or women’s initiative leader, from living our intention, to stepping into our power and building our own personal network of mentor and sponsor champions. We have to beat the impostor syndrome, as many times we are the ones who stop ourselves from believing that we can achieve the things we set out to accomplish.  If we do have to slow down because of motherhood or other reasons, we must power down instead of dropping out. Jennifer also reminded us to get fit to lead, to redefine work-life balance, and to take charge of our personal brand.  And finally, we have to start paying it forward so that we can help girls and young women grow into the next generation of women leaders.

Listening intently to Jennifer’s presentation, the 60-strong audience of women leaders (and two men) greatly appreciated the learning session.  Many of them nodded their heads in agreement as she described how one study highlighted that while men and women both displayed bossy behaviour at work, men were usually seen as the boss on the fast track to success, while women were seen as bossy, less popular, and less likely to be promoted.

Another study underlined the “Queen Bee” stereotype where women bosses were perceived as wanting to be special and to be the only one at the top.  Those who did one to help other women were seen as less competent and lower performing than men who value diversity.  It’s a catch-22 situation.

One thing that struck to me was the phrase, “over-mentored but under-sponsored.”  Mentoring certainly helps in developing one’s self-confidence, especially in negotiations and self-promotion, but it is really sponsorship that opens doors as sponsors advocate for developing leaders and create opportunities for advancement for those they are sponsoring. Everyone needs a leg up, and finding the correct sponsors can make the vital difference to success.  When asked how one should go about finding a sponsor, Jennifer urged the companies present to set up a leader sponsorship program.  She also believes that leaders are made, not born, so there is definitely an opportunity for women to become leaders.  And definitely, to kick some glass!

Many thanks to all those who attended, especially the large contingents from Clark Development Corporation (yes, they left at 5am to get to the 8am breakfast meeting), Bases Conversion and Development Authority, Capital One, Sutherland, and TESDA.  Thanks too and hearty congratulations to WomenBIZPH Trustee Leah Caringal for leading the Women Mentoring Women Talks (W2W Talks), and to our secretariat lead by Russel Joy Rivera.  Well done!

 

 

 

 

Children, Family, Food, Gender, Work

TAkot 2018: Happily Never After

October 31, 2018, Alabang.  Yesterday afternoon’s TAkot 2018 was a riot!

Every last Wednesday of the month, TeamAsia celebrates Pop Up, a beloved employee engagement activity where everyone stops work to get together for a few hours of fun, fellowship and camaraderie. It is also a time when birthday celebrants are greeted, and friends break bread (though it was barbecue, noodles and doughnuts yesterday). New employees are welcomed, but first, they have to either perform a talent or butt-spell their name, a hilarious exercise that has everyone cheering them on.

The most awaited of these monthly Pop Ups is Halloween. This time around, we moved Pop Up to Tuesday as many of our employees will be traveling to the provinces today to celebrate Undas, the Filipinos’ way of honoring their dead by visiting the cemeteries and coming together as families to pray and remember loved ones that have gone ahead.

Happily Never After was this year’s theme for TAkot. A twist on musicals that end happily and make everyone believe life is dandy, the theme had everyone thinking creatively of a different and unexpected ending for Halloween. One where you witness something terrifying and unnerving, and you are lucky enough to escape and tell the tale.

Five departments competed in the quest: Creatives with The Lion King, Digital/IT and Web with Moana, Marketing and Accounts with The Wizard of Oz, Experience with Trolls, and Content with The Little Mermaid. With imaginative minds and creative juices working overdrive, the TeamAsians delighted us with their productions, and made my job as judge difficult.  Luckily there were other judges to spread the work around.

The Creative folks danced with abandon, representing the animal kingdom rejoicing the birth of the Lion King, when suddenly they removed their animal costumes and turned into zombies dancing to Michael Jackson’s Bad.

Starting with a video clip from Moana where she saves the island from devastation, the Digital/IT and Web boys danced to their own ditty of “mag walis, mag-bunot, mag-laba, mag-sampay” as their fitting welcome to the triumphant Moana, ably played by Chiara, who they then kill as “women are not allowed on their island.”  Undertones of gender bias, but happily, we have our first female team member in what for the longest time was an exclusive male domain.

Pam’s baby Coco adorably dressed as a princess troll stole the scene from the Experience Department’s performance. Coco didn’t even cry when she was taken from her “dying” Mama Troll Queen’s arms and given to the Troll King as sacrifice.  Abi Bibat ably led the group in singing.

Lynda surprised everyone with her singing for the Wizard of Oz, as the unlikely group of friends, Enzo as the Scarecrow, Joyce as the Tin Man, Erika as the Cowardly Lion, and Patrick as Dorothy hop-skipped their way through the Land of Oz.  Aire as the Wicked Witch of the North and Denise as the Wizard herself completed the cast of characters.  And when Erika the Lion received her badge of courage and stopped being cowardly, she pounced on Dorothy and killed her, then gave away Dorothy’s heart to the Tin Man and her brains to the Scarecrow.  It was indeed a surprise ending, and a hilarious performance.

Content’s Little Mermaid’s story addressed the environmental crisis, weaving in undertones of the ocean’s desecration by the massive garbage and plastic being thrown into the sea. As Johanna, alias Ariel, sang longingly of exchanging her fishtail for feet so she could explore the earth, the other content staff swam, or rather bobbed,  around.  There was Luigi as a seahorse, Tony as a starfish, BeaF as an octopus, Ana as Nemo.  Vince told the story, while the other team members served as extras or production staff; throwing the garbage and blowing bubbles in the air.  Intent on achieving her dream, Ariel goes to Ursula, devilishly played and sang by Axl, complete with sidekicks Flotsam and Jetsam. Ariel gets her wish, while Ursula is caught by a fisherman. And once on dry land, hungry Ariel decides to stop by a kiosk to buy takoyaki, a popular Japanese street food made of octopus balls.  Goodbye Ursula!  A deadly twist indeed, reminding us that the garbage we throw out into the sea, end up in the seafood that we consume.  Hats off to Elton, the master storyteller and scriptwriter!

After the performances, we headed off to the pantry to get food, while the young ones went around to collect goodies.  It was heartwarming to see the little sons and daughters of our staff having fun and playing in TeamAsia.

And we all had fun dressing up!  Bea was the evil queen holding a box with a heart, while I dressed up as Esmeralda of the Hunchback of Notre Dame.  The night before, Bea asked me to make her a crown for her outfit, and I remembered all those halloweens past when my children were young and we dressed up in outrageous costumes.

Soon it was time for butt-spell.  We had a record number of butt-spells this time, with BVernie of Content doing it so fluidly it must have been cursive!  Bea then announced the winners of the competition: Content bagged the first prize, followed by MAD and Creatives.

Takot 2018 was definitely a blast, an occasion for TeamAsians to unleash their creativity while having fun.  I look forward to what our Pop Up team can come up with for the next one.

 

APEC, Business, Gender, Governance, New Zealand, Resilience, Structural Reform, Training, Travel, Women, Work

APEC Public-Private Dialogue on Structural Reform and Gender

September 13, 2018.  Somewhere over the Pacific Ocean.  For the first time in my life, I visited New Zealand.  I attended the APEC Public-Private Dialogue on Structural Reform and Gender as the private sector representative of the Philippines.

Held September 10-11 in Wellington, the forum was a big eye-opener for me.  Over two days, I learned how structural reform can help remove many of the barriers to women’s economic participation in the region, and unlock their full potential.  Andrew Grant, senior partner of McKinsey & Company, estimates the full potential of women to contribute to the global GDP at $28 trillion per year, which equals the combined economies of China and the US.  For a best-in-region scenario of addressing three gender gaps: additional workforce participation, shifting the mix towards full-time work, and improving sector mix and productivity, this could mean an additional $12 trillion per year, equivalent to the combined economies of Japan, Germany and the United Kingdom.  Zeroing in further, the Asia-Pacific economies can improve by $4.5 trillion annually, equal to the combined economies of Austria and Germany.

The numbers are staggering, and the potential is great, but many things have to be done to unlock the rewards. Many of the barriers are legislative, regulatory or policy in nature.   Addressing low labor force participation in quality jobs, under representation of women in business leadership positions, uneven access to digital technology, and entrenched attitudes about women’s role in society and work are some common themes that call for action. In addition, we need to throw in gender equality in work, provision of essential services to women, legal protection and political voice, and physical security and autonomy.

Dr. Tatyana Teplova, senior counsellor and head of Governance for Gender and Inclusiveness Unit of the Organisation for Economic Cooperation and Development (OECD), stressed the importance of promoting women’s active participation in the global economy to achieve truly sustainable and inclusive growth. Citing research in OECD economies, she identified several remaining gaps in gender equality, such as an 11% gender employment gap, only 32% share of women in senior management positions in central government, 32% average of women supreme court judges across OECD, 28.7% average of women parliamentarians in OECD, and 20% average of young women studying STEM. Alarmingly, 57% of OECD economies listed violence against women as their most urgent priority.  The cost of exclusion is high, and Dr. Teplova summarized the three Es that can unlock sustainable and inclusive economic growth as Employment, Education, and Entrepreneurship.  She shared the OECD Toolkit for Mainstreaming & Implementing Gender Equality that economies can adopt to address the barriers.

Speakers from various Asia-Pacific economies related how they are currently mainstreaming gender issues.  Ms. Chiu-Chun Lin of Chinese Taipei’s Department of Gender Equality shared real life examples of their ten-year journey in implementing the Gender Impact Assessment (GIA), which is both tool and process in practicing gender mainstreaming to achieve gender equality.  Recognizing major challenges such as established social norms and gender stereotypes (i.e., men are breadwinners and women are home makers), glass ceilings, and low labor rate participation of women due to childbirth and having to care for children, Ms. Lin shared Chinese Taipei’s initiatives for mainstreaming. These included building women’s capacity through education and training; promoting family friendly workplace policies like maternity/paternity/parental and family care leaves, once a month menstrual leaves, and twice-a-day breastfeeding time; extending access to capital and capacity building for women-owned start-ups and helping small and medium scale businesses through their Women Entrepreneurship Flying Geese Program; promoting board gender diversity in listed companies; and encouraging women’s participation in the government ministries through their One-Third Gender Ratio Principle.

Mr. Kohei Fukawa of Japan’s Gender Equality Bureau, Cabinet Office, explained Womanomics under the Abe administration. In January 2001, Japan established the Council for Gender Equality  directly reporting to the Prime Minister with the aim of creating a society in which all women shine. In December 2015, the Cabinet approved the Fourth Basic Plan for Gender Equality with long-term government policy directions and specific measures, which include reforming labor practices such as the tendency to take long working hours and relocations for granted; recruiting and promoting women, developing women leaders and increasing their participation in all fields of society; creating an environment that supports women in difficult situations; enhancing measures to eliminate violence against women; and more.

Mr. Fukawa reported an increase of over two million women in the workforce in the past five years under the Abe administration. Over the same period, nursing home capacity has increased by over 600 thousand to ease the waiting time for child nursing care facilities, allowing mothers with young children to re-enter the workforce. Realizing that Japanese women work much longer for unpaid work, while men are paid for their work, Japan is making a big push towards improving work-life balance.  Work-Style Reform Legislation was enacted in July 2018 calling for equal pay for equal work and setting an upper limit for working hours. As a reward, “Eruboshi” Certification is granted to companies that engage in good practices, with additional points in the evaluation of public procurement for those promoting work-life balance.

Ms. Nguyen Thi Thu Ha shared Vietnam’s national strategy for gender equality, hinged on the following objectives: strengthening women’s representation in leadership and management positions; narrowing the gender gap in the economy especially in the rural areas; improving human resources through education and training; ensuring gender equality in accessing and receiving health care services, in culture and information, and in family life; eliminating gender-based violence and enhancing the capacity of state management on gender equality.  Results of Vietnam’s initiatives are seen in political leadership where a woman serves as the current chairperson of the national assembly and three women serve in the politburo.  Literacy levels for women is up 92%.  Social insurance laws are in place, providing parental leaves for female and male laborers, establishing a safe working environment for women, and setting up kindergartens in industrial zones.  With the help of central and local radio and TV stations, there is better public awareness of gender equality, encouraging men to share the housework and women to share the family’s economic burden.

The head of the Equality Unit of Iceland’s Ministry of Welfare Ms. Rosa Guorun Erlingsdottir shared why Iceland continues to rank first in the gender equality index.  It was not always like this though, as she shared how the women of Iceland fought for women’s equality.  Although women in Iceland won the right to vote in 1915, behind New Zealand and Finland, women’s uptake in leadership positions in government was slow. Compared to 16% to 23% in other Nordic countries, Icelandic women comprised only 5% of parliament seats in 1975.  Naturally, this was frustrating for Icelandic women.

Ms. Erlingsdottir shared how Affirmative Action can make change happen.  On October 24, 1975, now known as Women’s Day Off, Icelandic women decided it was time they were taken seriously by the men.  On that fateful day, instead of going to work, doing housework, or taking care of their children, women decided to go on strike, taking to the streets and demanding for equal rights.  Work came to a standstill.  Services stopped.  Suddenly, men realized the importance of women as they had to take care of the children, with many not knowing how to go about it.  Since then, women have enjoyed great strides to gender equality.

At present, Ms. Erlingsdottir reported that 79% of women are actively employed, with 34% working part time.  There are gender quotas on public committees and company boards, and laws in place requiring certification of equal pay.  There is an all-women political party, paving the way for women to hold 38% of parliament seats in 2017, and 44% of local governments seats in 2018.  Women make up 2/3 of university students. Ninety percent of children aged one to five years are in day care centers, with municipalities footing 85% of the cost.  Parental leave legislation allows equal rights for men and women, with three months each for males and females, and three months shared rights for parents.  Because of this legislation, over 90% of fathers have taken their paternity leave, drastically changing ideas about masculinity.  And I dare say, they actually enjoy it from the photos she showed of fathers with their young children.

The economic benefits are clear.  The increase in the number of women employed has raised per capita Nordic GDP by 10-20% over the past 50 years.  Closing gender gaps in the next 20 years are predicted to boost Nordic GDP growth by another 15-30%.

Interestingly enough, the RTS Senior VP of McKinsey & Company Australia Jovita Gartlan believes that in some cases it is the women who hold themselves back. Sharing her personal experience while attending a meeting where the participants were asked if they wanted to take on the top post of the company, most said they did not want to. They were happy with their current situation, and felt that they had too much on their plate already and did not want the additional stress.

Citing McKinsey research on women in the workplace, Ms. Gartlan said that while women are just as interested in advancing as men, they progress more slowly through the corporate pipeline.  And while women ask for promotions as often as men, men move up faster without having to ask.  She noted that less women aspire to and believe they will become a top executive, and that fewer women than men enjoy the support of their managers in their quest for advancement.  The studies are clear: gender greatly impacts women’s opportunities, especially since women have to do most of the housework (which is unpaid) after a full day’s paid work at the office.  Given the double work shift of home and office, and having to care for children and the elderly, no wonder women hold back.

For organizations that wish to change the game and move more women into positions of leadership, Ms. Gartlan recommends building a strong business case for change, redesigning roles to enable more flexible arrangements, actively sponsoring potential women leaders, providing reinforcement mechanisms that support women through life transitions and challenge traditional views or merit in recruitment and evaluation, investing in training to build leadership capabilities and giving them experience in key leadership roles.  She urged women to actively ask their managers not just to mentor them, but to sponsor them for promotion.  And for those who feel happy where they are, to embrace the feelings of “being enough” and not feel pressured.

The forum also gathered indigenous women holding leadership positions in the public and private sectors.  Linda Paru of Papua New Guinea talked about the challenges women entrepreneurs, especially those from MSMEs, faced such as lack of access to credit and the high cost of internet and ICT.  While there are many challenges, she cited telecoms and financial reforms that contribute to MSME’s participation in online services, digital finance, e-health and e-education.  Senior Adviser for the Status of Women in Canada, Anne Fontaine spoke of indigenous women’s issues, rights and interests in Canada.  Ms. Rangimarie Hunia, director of Ngāti Whātua Ōrākei Whai Maia Ltd., spoke of the leadership role of Maori women, being a prime example herself of a strong Maori woman leader intent on securing the future of her mokopuna or the next generation.

Ms. Josephine Cashman, Founder, Executive Director and Managing Director of Big River Consulting Pty. Ltd., spoke of her experiences with legislation and regulation implementation and enforcement.  It is one thing to come up with laws against domestic violence and gender discrimination, and another to implement it. She recounted the experience of an elected female MP who resigned because of bullying from her male colleagues; they were more interested in her hair and attire than her policy work.  The statistics in New Zealand are harrowing: one in three women have suffered physical or sexual abuse; one in five were harassed at work and one woman per week is killed by a former partner.  The statistics are even more alarming for Maori women.  Strengthening enforcement is thus crucial.

To combat this, New Zealand has embarked on a national campaign against domestic violence and gender discrimination.  New Zealand has passed legislation granting victims of domestic violence 10 days paid leave to allow them to get away from their abusive partners, relocate and protect themselves and their children.  The only other country that has passed a similar law on a national level is the Philippines under the Anti-Violence Against Women and Their Children Act of 2004, granting up to 10 days special leave for victims and stiff penalties for employers who try to impede such leave.

Gender Pay Equity was another hot topic.  And here, Ms. Rosa Guorun Erlingsdottir of Iceland shared the inroads they are doing to reduce the estimated 20% difference in pay between men and women.  Iceland has made it a legal requirement for employers with 25 people and more to get an Equal Pay Certification which must be renewed yearly.  This means Equal Pay for the same Work or Work of Equal Value.  To ensure there is no discrimination, an audit is done of jobs of equal value, separating the job from the person doing it.  Employers are asked to rank jobs, which are then paired with jobs of equal value.  Companies that get the certification are also allowed to use the Equal Pay Symbol in their corporate promotions.  Companies that do not follow the law are fined.

Participants were fully engaged in two workshops. First was a practical group exercise on Gender Impact Assessment where each table was asked to weigh in on a country-wide issue that affects women and to recommend how to handle the situation.   Our group was presented with a Public Sector Scenario of a drastic slump in the economy causing businesses to close and government wanting to reduce its overhead.  The department mandate is to limit government jobs to only one person per family.  With approximately 40% women in government positions, of which 39% have frontline service positions while 27% have back office positions, 21% in middle management positions, 13%in senior leadership positions and 29% working part time, it was obvious that women would be the first to lose their jobs.

Our animated discussion revolved around how to consult the public and women in particular on the proposal and what changes in the draft resolution we recommended.  We looked at how families will want to keep the full time, higher-paid member on government payroll to ensure continued family income, and how the government can assist families that are affected such as stepping up skills training, giving higher separation pay, providing priority access to funds and markets, giving plus points in government procurement for those let go, and ensuring gender neutral criteria in the selection of those to let go.  The group discussion highlighted the disparity in economies of Chile and New Zealand where the unemployed enjoy six months insurance versus that of Mexico and the Philippines, where no work means no pay and no food on the table.

To cap the two-day dialogue, Mr. Phil O’Reilly, New Zealand APEC Business Advisory Council Member, facilitated a whole group discussion on next steps that APEC can take to push the agenda of structural reform and gender.  The group came up with a long list of recommendations, such as collecting data and best practices for gender plus lens across APEC economies and sharing this in a digital portal for easy access, conducting and making available research on gender pay standards and how to close the gender pay gap, studying the OECD Toolkit to determine its adaptability in the region, and establishing a pathfinder initiative that looks at how gender is incorporated into all free trade agreements, to name a few.

I look forward to finding out what APEC will adopt as its next steps given this first foray into a dialogue on structural reform and gender.  Definitely, there is a lot that needs to be done to remove barriers to women’s economic participation in the region, and unlock their full potential.  What is clear to me from this two-day dialogue is the urgent need to measure and know disaggregated gender data using the Gender Plus lens.  Unless we establish a base line, we won’t know what needs to be done and how we are progressing.  As New Zealand’s Acting Policy Director for Economic Independence of the Ministry of Women, Ms. Riripeti Reedy said, “You only treasure what you measure.”  We have to start now.

Business, Travel, Women, Work

Outstanding ASEAN Women Entrepreneurs Award in Bangkok

May 10, 2018.  Bangkok.  As I donned my simple terno for the awarding ceremonies of the Outstanding ASEAN Women Entrepreneurs, all I could think of was that I hope it would fit. Still in a bit of a haze realizing I was in Bangkok, Thailand, I relived the past few hectic days.

On May 4, I was elected as the incoming president of the Women’s Business Council of the Philippines (WomenbizPH).  At that same meeting, I also learned that I was to receive an award along with nine other Filipinas: Cherrie Atilano of AGREA, Natividad Cheng of Uratex, Imelda Ahalul-Dagus of Dennis Coffee Garden in Zamboanga City, Octavia Hizon of Hizon’s Restaurant & Catering Services, Jeannie Javelosa of Great Women Philippines and ECHOstore, Edilee Omoyon of Milea Organics, Olive Puentespina of Malagos Cheese in Davao City, and Carlota Manalo-Tan of Wendy’s Philippines.

AWEN established the ASEAN Women Entrepreneurs Award to honor outstanding entrepreneurs who have made an impact in society through their commitment, vision, and leadership, and through gender-sensitive and fair labor practices for women.

It all seemed too much to take in, especially since our company was in the final stages of organizing the 29th East Asian Insurance Congress (EAIC) May 6-9 at the Marriott Grand Ballroom. International delegates had already started to arrive, and the EAIC Banquet and Closing Ceremonies were to be held the evening of May 8. There was no way I could leave the event to go to Bangkok, or so I thought.

But my friends Chit Juan, Boots Garcia and Jeannie Javelosa insisted I join them in Bangkok. So did my daughter Bea. And my client at EAIC agreed for me to miss the closing of the Congress so I could catch the last flight to BKK on the 9th. After all, my seasoned team could handle the event. The week whirled by quickly managing the EAIC.

And so here I was in Bangkok, putting on my pink terno and wondering what challenges lie ahead for me. I trust that whatever they are, I make my family, friends, colleagues and country proud.

Accountability, Beginnings, Childhood, Children, Church, Confidence, Death, Differences, Discipline, Faith, Family, Food, Forgiveness, God, Gradtitude, Health, Life, Love, Principles, Resilience, Women, Work

Remembering the Iturralde Sisters

6 Comments

Invariably, whenever I would bump into an older graduate of the College of the Holy Spirit where I studied, I would be asked, “How is Miss Maria Luz? How is Dean Julia Iturralde?” And then they would launch on how the two sisters left an indelible impression on them, how much they missed them, and how thankful they are for the values and learning they received.   Sadly I would tell them that my two aunts, younger sisters of my father, had passed on.

My brothers and I grew up in the family compound right behind the Basilica of San Sebastian. My mother was widowed early, and so we were raised in a maternal environment: my mom, my father’s mom Lola Ingga, my father’s aunt Lola Teta, and my two maiden aunts: Julia and Maria Luz. My father had another sibling, Tita Rory, but she had entered the nunnery and became a Sister Servant of the Holy Spirit (SSpS) and so we hardly saw her.

My two aunts figured largely in my growing up years, and this is my tribute to the two women who I love dearly.

Maria Luz Iturralde

My godmother and aunt, Maria Luz Alvaro Iturralde died in the wee hours of December 31, 2008 while I was in Texas. I can still remember my sister Pinky’s sobbing voice trying to tell me the sad news over the phone, which she had received from Paz, my sister-in-law in San Francisco, who had in turn been called by my brother Paul. The news had traveled swiftly around the world.

I quickly called my mother in Manila. She had not even heard the news yet. All she knew was that my brother Paul had brought Maria Luz to the hospital at midnight. Then, I woke up Bea and asked her to go to Quiapo to be with my mom and help out with arrangements. Like real troopers, my daughters Bea and Cara, with their cousin Monchoy, took charge of the wake while my brother Paul made the funeral arrangements.

The rest of us siblings (Johnny, Pepito, Pinky and I) felt helpless being so far away. All I could do from the other side of the globe was write down my memories of our aunt for an online memorial. Maria Luz loved to write. This was the best way I could think of to pay her tribute.

Maria Luz or Lucy or Frenchie as her friends would call her or Dada Uds as her grand nieces and nephews called her was a writer non par. She was the longest running moderator of Action (1947-51), Veritas (1980-94), The Profile, and The Faculty Review. Udsy was also the editor of The Search and We the Alumnae. She was an excellent writer and would write under the monicker Sub-Rosa (or chismis queen). I remember many trips to the National Printing Press in Quezon Avenue to check on various publications. She guided the exhibit for the College of the Holy Spirit’s 75th anniversary.

An English teacher at the College of the Holy Spirit, Udsy dedicated herself to helping students learn to love the English language. Quick-witted, she entertained her students with stories about family and life, making her dearly beloved to all of them. She was my English teacher as well, from the time I learned how to speak, read and write. In college, I studied English under her. She prodded me into writing and editing for the school paper. My baptismal godmother, she was always there to watch over me and guide me. And I had to study extra hard to make sure that I earned good grades.

She taught for 49 years at the school that she loved with all her heart, and was guidance counselor for a long time. I remember her anguished crying when she was replaced as the guidance counselor. Her life revolved around that school, and when she was forced to retire, she was terribly disheartened. Writing and editing kept her alive, and when she was removed by the CHS Alumnae Foundation as editor-in-chief of We the Alumnae on the pretext that the newsletter would now be computerized, she lost all interest in life.

As a young girl, Udsy excelled at sketching. Sports-minded, she won two trophies for marathon running. She studied Elementary Education for Teaching Children at Holy Ghost College (now College of the Holy Spirit).

A frequent visitor of the school’s bodega when she was a youngster, Udsy was always sent there for being the naughtiest girl in school. She was the bane of Erundina Fernandez (who later, for a time, became my mother-in-law and wrecked her revenge on me), Teofisto Guingona who called her “kabayo” because of her kicking him with her boston, and Alejandro Reyes who later became dean at San Beda.

Udsy was brave to the point of carelessness. During the Japanese occupation, a man was shot by the Japanese on our street. Without thinking of her own safety, she ran to him to give him the Last Rites. She would always take the side of the oppressed, and if she felt any of us were being given a hard time, she would take it upon herself to defend us.

Udsy loved to clean. Cleaning was her thing. She was very OC about this. The wooden staircase was not acceptable until it was gleaming. Her room was off limits to all us, unless it was story-telling time. She never liked the kitchen, and could not cook as far as I know. Kitchen duties were reserved for her sister Julia. But, oh, how she loved to eat! To the very end, she was always hungry, even if she had just eaten five minutes before.

Story telling was her thing. And for this, no one came even close. She was a master storyteller. And we lapped it all up.

I always credited my love of reading and literature to Udsy. When my brothers and I were young, we didn’t enjoy the usual fairytales like Goldilocks and the Three Bears, or Cinderella or Snow White. Instead, Udsy would regale us with stories of Greek, Norse and Roman mythology. Zeus, Hera, Aphrodite, Poseidon, Apollo, Athena, Hades and Ulysses. These were our heroes and heroines. The Three Fates – Clotho, Lachesis and Atropos – caused me nightmares. When would Atropos cut the string of my life, I anguished? Why, before The Lord of the Rings became a hit serial movie, we knew the entire story from beginning to end.

We eagerly looked forward to her payday because she would bring us to Goodwill in Escolta or to Bookmark and Alemars in Avenida Rizal and let us buy whatever book we desired to read. We had a complete collection of Hardy Boys and Nancy Drew books. When I got into my teens, she even indulged my love of Barbara Cartland and pocketbook love stories. On my 16th birthday, she got me a dozen pocketbooks. That was a special day!

Hot-tempered, Udsy easily got agitated. But when she was calm, she was very gregarious. She was always the life of the party, or so I remember. She would force my brothers and I to perform for her guests (mostly nuns, teachers and students) during parties at home. We had to recite a poem, dance or sing. Rock-a-bye-baby and Joyce Kilmer’s Tree Poem were favorites of mine.

When Udsy was angry, she was like a grenade, hurting everyone within reach. It was wise to stay out of her way. She would run over everyone. She would fly off the handle if she could not find a book, and would accuse us of getting it without permission. But when she would find it, her way of apologizing was to treat us to a Coke. And, oh, how she loved to drink Coke!

She wanted us to be serious about our studies, and thought anything unrelated to school work was the Devil’s work. One time, I was invited to become a model. Udsy was so angry, she threw a basin of water from her second floor window over the agents who came to take my photo. Naturally, that was the end of my budding modeling career.

Near-sighted in one eye, Udsy always wore glasses for as long as I can remember. Red lipstick was her trademark. She kept her shiny black hair short and hated it when white hair started to appear. She commissioned us to pick out her white hair with tweezers and would pay us a centavo for every three white hair we got out. She had her breasts removed when she was in her early twenties because of a cancer scare. She told me the surgeon made a mistake and took out her good breast, and when he realized his error, removed her other breast. She heard him talking about his mistake during her operation through the haze of her anesthesia. This caused her lifelong fear of doctors and medicine. Otherwise, she was in the pink of health for most of her life, all 5’4” and 98 lbs.

Udsy secretly admired my late husband, Mike, and would cut out his articles from different newspapers, save them in a brown envelope and give them to me each time I visited San Sebastian.

In her later years, Udsy became schizophrenic, thinking everyone was out to get her. It was truly sad seeing her fall into deep depression. She would physically hurt her caregivers, and so we decided to put her into a nursing home in Calamba run by nuns. We felt then that she and my aunt Julia would have better care there. We brought the family’s Christ the King statue to Calamba to watch over them. I was relieved though when my brother decided to bring them back home to San Sebastian. This was their home where they were happy.

Julia Alvaro Iturralde

On February 8, 2015 while vacationing in Rome. I received word from my mom that my father’s only remaining sibling, Julia Alvaro Iturralde had passed away. In a way, I was relieved. She had been ill for a very long time, her brilliant mind long gone, her once robust body withered and thin. She still managed a cherubic toothless smile whenever I would visit and remind her that I was Monette, her niece. Sometimes she would remember me. The last time, she did not, and it saddened me greatly. She asked why it was taking her parents long to fetch her.

Julia was born on October 7, 1931 to Jose Manalo Iturralde and Dominga Alvaro. The youngest in a brood of six, Julia or Jill as she was fondly called, was an extremely intelligent individual. She graduated Magna Cum Laude with an AB-BSE degree from Holy Ghost College, and finished two masteral programs: Master in Sociology from Ateneo University and Master of East Asian Studies from Radcliffe, where she enjoyed a scholarship. Jill held the deanship of the Liberal Arts Department of the College of the Holy Spirit for 23 years. She was also moderator of Action, Veritas and The Profile from 1964-67. A prolific poetess, Jill expressed her emotions in beautiful words.

My first recollection of Tita Jill (and later Dada Nings), as we fondly called her, was playing in my grandmother’s warm kitchen with a white porcelain tea set decorated with flowers that she had given me. I must have been less than three then. Pouring real milk tea in the tiny cups, she sat with me on the floor, and we pretended that we were having guests over. Sometimes, we would collect the moss in the garden, place them on the tiny plates and pretend it was salad. Other times, I got lucky and we actually ate food that had just been cooked in the kitchen.

When she came back from taking her masters at Radcliffe University, she brought home a huge walking doll for me. Oh, how I loved that doll with curly blonde hair! It was almost as tall as I was.

Tita Jill taught me how to pray before I slept: “Angel of God, my guardian dear, to whom God’s love entrusts me here. Ever this day be at my side, to light and guard, to rule and guide. And if I die before I wake, I pray the Lord, my soul to take. Amen.”

Summers, when we were growing up were spent in that kitchen. She would teach us how to bake, decorate cakes, and then let us experiment in the kitchen. I remember crying when my cake didn’t rise because I had forgotten to put baking powder in the mix. My brothers and I would fight as to who would clean up the leftover fudge in the bowl.

I loved watching how she cooked, and she would let me be her little assistant, though I was not allowed to wield a knife. I was assigned to mixing food. Getting egg whites to stiffen up was the hardest task ever. “Whip it 100 times, Monette, and don’t lift the spatula up or the air would escape,” she would admonish me. I would try valiantly to soldier on even if my arms felt like they were about to fall off. Looking back, I realize now that she had nurtured my interest in food.

Dada Nings taught Asian Studies at the College of the Holy Spirit, and to drive home learning, she would host parties at our ancestral home in San Sebastian for her students. They would cook Asian dishes, and wear dresses from the different countries they were assigned. My personal favorite was her sukiyaki. I loved watching them prepare the food, and then perform Asian songs or dances after. Oh, that was a lot of fun!

And she made life fun for her nieces and nephews. On Holy Saturdays, she would herd us into the dining room, give each of us a brush, and we would paint dozens of eggs for the Easter Egg Hunt the next day. I guess she must have hidden the eggs in the garden while we slept because we had fun hunting for them after mass on Easter Day.

We would have our own version of Flores de Mayo. We would dress up as saints using her clothes and stack of ribbons and scarves, parade up and down the house, then have a raffle of little knickknacks that she would collect. Oh, and we were not the only ones who had fun dressing up under her guidance. Her students were also in on it. I remember one Marian festival where she had her students dress up as different versions of Mama Mary and stand up like statues around the garden by the CHS Mendiola chapel.

She was a consummate writer, poet and story teller. She wrote plays about the Old Testament which her students performed in school. She wrote poems for the school paper, the CHS alumnae newsletter, and later for the newsletter she and her sister Maria Luz put up. She penned a book entitled Family Treasures which revealed all of the Iturralde secret recipes, and which I use to this day. Her friends gathered some of her poems and published them together with pieces written by my other two aunts, Maria Luz and Sister Encarnacion.

Early on, she encouraged us to perform during parties at home (Actually, I think a better word would be mandated). We either had to sing, dance, or recite a poem to the guests who invariably were their fellow teachers and nuns from the College of the Holy Spirit.

She was a very kind soul, soft-spoken, and yet you knew you were in deep trouble if you ever crossed the line. When I was in first year college, a classmate from elementary asked if she could visit me at home on a Saturday. I had not seen her for some time and was excited to see her. She came to the house with her father who was an advertising executive. A popular soft drink brand was giving away a car to the lucky person who found the tansan (bottle cap) with the winning mark. Apparently, he was running the contest, and he told me that he would make sure I would win the car, but in return I would have to sell the car and split the proceeds with him. I was to let him know my decision on Monday.

Naturally, I was very much tempted. Since my father died when I was ten, we were hard up. The funds would come in handy so I could pursue my dream of studying law, buy things I’ve always wanted, give my family a more comfortable life. At that time, I was studying on scholarship. I discussed the options with my Tita Jill, who advised me of the importance of being true to the values of honesty and integrity. That night, she gave me two cards she had drawn. Depending on my decision, I was to open one of the cards. That weekend was excruciatingly difficult for me. I decided to turn down the offer, and opened the card. Here’s what was written:

“Dear Monette,

You lost. W-a-a-a-a-h… sob sob… Boo hoo… Boo hoo. Hikbe… Sniffle… Sniffle… 

But to me, after Monday, you are taller than a giraffe, taller than Empire State, taller than Mt. Everest.

You are one of us – born losers whose poverty is their (sic) our wealth.

At any rate, I’m so proud of you, so proud that I can treat you to a Shakeys pizza tonight!!!

Love,

Ninang

October 23, 1975″

And then, I opened the other card. It said simply:

“Dear Mongga,

Hooray!! Tsup!!!

Love,

Nings”

I knew then that she was very proud of me for making the right decision. That for me was the most beautiful gift she had ever given me. I treasure those two cards to this day.

I always wanted to study Fine Arts but we didn’t have the funds for this. But the summer after the softdrink incident, Tita Jill enrolled me in a summer class in painting at CHS. I was in heaven! The next summer, she enrolled me in theatre class, along with my brother Pepito.

She was always looking for ways to encourage our various interests. I remember the day the encyclopedia set she had purchased arrived. Pepito and I who were in grade school then were so excited, we spent the entire summer reading the encyclopedia from A to Z. We also played Scrabble and Monopoly with her. Tita Jill’s bed could be spotted a mile away because of the mountains of books and papers that littered it.

College studies was a different matter. Because I was on scholarship (which was the only way I could afford studying at CHS), I had to study very, very hard. It was made more difficult because my aunts worked at the school: Sr. Encarnacion taught Theology, Maria Luz headed the English Department, and Julia served as dean of Liberal Arts. They were stricter on me than anyone else, because they wanted to prove that I could make it on my own. They were thus ecstatic when I graduated with a Summa cum Laude.

Although she was the youngest sibling of my father, Tita Jill appeared to be the head of the family when it came to decision making. She was always protecting her older sister from harm. When Tita Jill and Tita Udsy (Maria Luz) were forced to retire from CHS, they started a newsletter to keep their minds busy. I suspect that Tita Jill used her retirement funds for this as Tita Udsy who had unceremoniously been removed as editor-in-chief of We, the Alumnae, had gone into deep depression. She wanted to make her sister happy. Tita Jill bought a computer and learned to use it.

Things got worse when my cousin Jose Rene and his mother Vicente died and Tita Jill was left to cope with the legal issues on inheritance. The stress was too much for her, and she suffered one stroke after the other, with complications from diabetes. She lost her eyesight, and this was a crushing blow to someone who was as widely read as her. As the years went by, she became less and less interested in life, and would just lie down, seeming to wait for her parents to come and fetch her. And now, they have finally and they are all reunited in their real home in heaven, with Christ.

Though I miss them terribly, I am happy that they are now at peace. I thank the Lord for the gift of having had them both as my aunts, and will always keep them in my heart. May they rest in God’s embrace forever.

Death, Differences, Discipline, Faith, Friendship, God, Goodbyes, Health, Life, Principles, Resilience, Work

Godspeed, Laloy!

On the way to a meeting in Makati today, I was shocked to learn that a friend, Hilarion “Laloy” Guia had passed away early this morning due to cardiac arrest.  Memories began flooding in of how I first met Laloy.  I rued that I had not been able to catch up with him the few times he was in Manila.  He had called me a few times saying he was in Manila and asking if I could meet up, but this always happened while I was having an event.

I hear that his remains are in Palawan.  His granddaughter had planned to bring him to Manila for further medical attention, but unfortunately, he was not able to recover.

In his memory, I post a reflection I wrote in January 2012 after meeting him.  Here goes…

Overcoming the Biblical Disease

(Palawan. January 26, 2012)    I met a most extraordinary gentleman 405585_2854282590471_404131494_nat the First Leprosy Stakeholders Symposium we organized for the Department of Health and Novartis Sustainable Development Foundation on January 25 at the Legend Hotel in Palawan. Hilarion Guia, Laloy for short, was a quiet, unassuming man but when he spoke to the delegates, he exuded a powerful, larger than life figure.

Here was a man, orphaned at three, diagnosed with leprosy like five other siblings in a brood of nine. Because of his intense desire to study and the promise of a cure, he agreed to be separated from his family in Batangas and to go and live with other afflicted persons at the Culion Leprosarium in Palawan when he was but eight years of age.

Learn he did, under the tutelage of the Religious Congregation of the Society of Jesus, and the sisters of St. Paul. But the promise of a cure did not. Slowly but surely, he suffered the harrowing pains and the disfigurement of the dreaded Biblical disease. Open wounds and nodules made their appearance. But more than the intense physical suffering was the emotional and mental upheaval of its social stigma.

But Laloy was no ordinary person. He believed that everyone is born equal and can accomplish great achievements, given equal opportunities. After graduating from high school, he transferred to Tala in Caloocan where he pursued a college degree in education. He then returned to Culion and taught for the next four decades, helping children similarly afflicted expand their minds and believe in themselves.

Laloy dreamed of a day when Culion and its residents would no longer be spoken of as the Isle of the Living Dead.  He sought the help of local politicians such as the late Speaker of the House Ramon V. Mitra and worked tirelessly to have Culion recognized as a municipality, and for its residents to have the right to suffrage. His efforts were not in vain, and in May 1995, Culion became a municipality. He ran for mayor in the local elections against nine able-bodied healthy opponents, and bested them to become the first Mayor of Culion.

When Novartis introduced the drug MDT in the mid-80s, his physician Dr. Art Cunanan asked him to undergo the chemotherapy.  He refused at first, believing it was a just a waste of time. Over the years, he had undergone different treatments hoping to be cured of the dreaded disease, only to have his hopes dashed time and again.

Laloy was ecstatic when a year after taking MDT he was pronounced free of leprosy. If only it had been available when he was a child!  Then he would not have to bear the physical marks the disease has left.  But it was wonderful news for the residents of Culion.  Today, not a single case of leprosy exists on the island. Culion stands as a testament to the country’s success to eradicate the disease.

I feel blessed to have had this opportunity to meet Laloy, and to learn about the tireless efforts of the Department of Health, their selfless medical staff and health workers, and the generosity of Novartis which provides the MDT for free for leprosy patients, and who together with the World Health Organization leads the global drive towards a world without leprosy.

394085_2854286310564_1593000174_nThe symposium strove to get the different stakeholders, which includes the country’s sanitaria, NGOs, the church, DepEd, DOLE, DILG, media and the like, to address the burning issues in disease eradication and management. There is much to be done, and those present committed to join the drive to fight leprosy. I’m glad I had the chance to listen and learn, and contribute to the meeting.

425691_2854292750725_1825095908_nSome things stand out from that symposium. One, that this dreaded disease is curable with MDT.  Two, that education and information dissemination are necessary so that early detection and treatment are possible. Three, that the loss of dignity, and the pain of isolation and rejection inflicted on those affected are so much more than any physical pain. And that we all can contribute in our own way to erasing the social stigma of this disease, simply by getting the word out. I’m starting with this.

I salute Laloy for proving to all of us that “anyone with leprosy, even with severe deformities, can perform with excellence and unquestionable efficiency, just as good as or even better than those with sound health.” He said that “Charity begins at home, and that the initiative to overcome the disease must first come from the victim.” These words ring true for all of us, whenever we are faced with problems that seem insurmountable.

Thanks for the reminder, Laloy! God bless you always!

 

Children, Church, Corporate Social Responsibility, Family, Food, Friendship, God, Life, Love, Tourism, Travel, Women, Work

2015, A Most Challenging Year

Bea, Cara, Niccolo and I are in the car driving to Tali where we will spend New Year’s Eve with the Lago family. Their daughter, Mandy is Cara’s best friend from St. Scholastica’s College, and they have invited us to their lovely beach home.

We’ve traditionally spent New Year’s Eve with family at home. After attending mass, we would gather the family and our househelp together in the dining room for Noche Buena, with the usual fare of chicken relleno, homemade ham, and queso de bola. Over dinner, we would play High-Low, where each one of us would share our high and low experiences for the year. We would then thank God for our many blessings, especially the gift of family and friends. After dinner, we would head for the balcony to watch the fireworks around us. At the stroke of midnight, we would toast to the New Year with champagne, hurriedly eat 12 grapes for good luck in the coming year, and hug and kiss each other. And then the children would go off to see their friends.

Two years ago, we did the usual New Yea’s Eve celebration, but it was so sad because Mike was no longer with us. We resolved then to have a different experience each year. Last year, we went to Palms Country Club, and this time we will be spending it at Tali.

Looking back at work, TeamAsia has had its best year in more than two decades under the able leadership of Bea as managing director, with the help of our committed and strong ManComm, and our growing family of enthusiastic, innovative, and young TeamAsians. We’ve organized several conferences like Arangkada, the 7th International IT-BPM Summit, the Zomato Restaurant Summit, the IMMAP Conference, and the Pacific Insurance Conference, as well as, supported various APEC events and the inaugural Madrid Fusion Manila. We’ve brought the delegate experience to a higher level with our event mobile apps, audience response system and B2B matching, and our digital and social media marketing. We’ve continued to work with stellar clients like Capital One, Globe, Pepsi, Chevron and Google. And we are so very thankful for staunch partners like Mart Miranda, Vince Feliciano, and Manolet Tobias who have been the wind behind our wings. It’s also been a year of strengthening operations and cleaning house.

On the family front, our Dada is just as beautiful and charming as ever, a rock for all of us, but more frail than usual. She is now 81 years old, and still threatens to travel to the US to visit her children and grandchildren and to Madrid to visit her sisters, already hatching travel plans.

My first born Bea has blossomed into a strong leader, inspiring everyone to do their best, working with each director to ensure everything is on track, gaining the confidence of clients, and bringing sunshine and sparkles to the office each day. She has attended the wedding of two of her best friends, one in Texas and the other in Hawaii, and will be going to another one in India next week. One day, a very lucky man will be able to win her heart, and I pray that he will take care of her and love her with all his heart.

Cara has left her beloved Boracay to come to Manila and work on slow food research for Chele Gonzalez of ArroZeria and Gallery Vask fame. This gives her the freedom to pursue her entrepreneurial dream. A week ago, she launched her online swimsuit line Diwata Swimwear, creating cheeky bikinis for young women who, like her, love to explore islands and oceans (www.diwataswimwear.com). I remember scouring the streets of Trastevere in Rome two Decembers ago with Cara looking for a shop that sold Lycra fabric for her bikini line, and trying to communicate in Spanish to the Italian shopkeeper what she needed. Watching her doodle on her drawing book, contact possible suppliers, search for a suitable seamstress, and travel to different islands for inspiration with Ramon to take photos for her website, has revealed a whole new dimension of my once shy little girl.

Now a strapping young man and all of 20 years old, Niccolo is working through his double degree of Applied Economics, major in Financial Economics, and Marketing Management at De La Salle University. He is buffed from regular visits to the gym, and still goes biking sometimes, but spends most of his time with Sam, his girlfriend, who has gotten him interested in baking cookies and exploring the art world. While he’s grown to be a young man, Niccolo continues to be sweet and caring.

As for me, I started the first day of 2015 in Hong Kong with my then boyfriend Rollie Gosiengfiao. We talked about a future together, but it was not meant to be for by the third week of January, he was gone, taken suddenly by a massive heart attack. This came on the heels of a crisis in my professional life. Grief-stricken, I was once again thrown into deep depression, and escaped to Madrid and Rome to be with kin and lick my wounds. Coming back, I arrived too late to see my dear aunt Julia alive. I focused on work and my various commitments to associations. I’ve visited Bangladesh three times for a World Bank related project, and learned how life is in that part of the world. Visiting other places in the world and experiencing their cultures have made me appreciate life even more, and whetted my appetite for adventure.

This December, I’ve closed the chapter on my three-year stint at the Tourism Promotions Board (TPB) as director representing the Meeting, Incentives Travel, Conventions, Exhibitions & Events Services & Facilities Sector. I’ve also graduated from being president to chairman of the Philippine Association of Convention/Exhibition Organizers and Suppliers (PACEOS), and continue to be chairman of Hopkins International Partners, and trustee and board secretary of the League of Corporate Foundations (LCF). I’m very proud of the organizations I am part of as I believe these have a positive impact in the industries they represent.

I’m also very happy with our yearend CSR project, My Dream in a Shoebox Year 7, where we encourage volunteers to donate a used shoebox covered in festive Christmas wrapper and filled with school supplies. Jointly organized by TeamAsia and the Information Technology and Business Process Association of the Philippines (IBPAP), the annual project has helped thousands of children continue with their education. From 200 boxes collected in the first year, we’ve breached 35,000 so far this year, and with the help of volunteers from various BPM companies and the Armed Forces of the Philippines, have organized several outreach activities, distributing the shoeboxes where they are most needed. I’ve also done storytelling about the beauty of love, friendship and giving to 300 children at the Payatas Orione Foundation, to 1,000 children at the San Pedro Calungsod Quasi Parish, to 60 children at SOS Village, and to 500 children at the Ascension of Our Lord Parish. And through all of these, I realize that we actually gain more than the children, as we leave with hearts full of joy that we have made them smile.

Challenging times have a knack of revealing who your real friends are, the ones who stay with you through thick and thin. I am happy and grateful to learn who they are. I’ve also made new friends, like my Gee Whiz Girls and my L2C group, and my Bible Study Fellowship group that has kept me grounded in the Lord. And wonder of wonders, I’ve met a farmer who has turned out to be a great friend, bringing light and laughter into my life again. It’s been a challenging year, but as it turns out 2015 has been good overall, and I look forward to an awesome 2016.

As we close the year and greet 2016, I wish you all a long, happy, healthy, prosperous and wonderfully meaningful life.

 

 

 

 

 

 

Children, Church, Death, Family, Forgiveness, Friendship, Life, Love, Women, Work

Honoring Cathy

3 Comments
10574634_10204406469656105_1381062784_o
Cathy and her cousin. Noche buena 2014.

When I first met Cathy, she was dark, skinny and had a haunted air around her. It was the 27th of April 2012. I was in dire need of a maid, and so was my mom, and she was referred by the helper of a neighbor. Interviewing her, I learned that she had run away from her husband and come to Manila to look for a job. She said her husband’s family had a history of mental illness, and he had started to beat her up. Her husband’s family was well-to-do, she said, and they looked down on her as she came from humble beginnings.

Her father had left them when she was young and had taken up with someone else. Later when he was ill, he returned to their family so that they could take care of him. She told me he used to be quite violent when drunk and would beat up her mother. This scarred her for life. Her mom, on the other hand, is very religious and serves the church. Her sole source of income came from donations from people who would ask her to pray for their dead. Cathy could not understand why her mother took her father back after abandoning them, and even nursed him until he died.

The eldest in her family, Cathy graduated with top honors in high school, while working as househelp for relatives. She was studying to be a teacher when she fell madly in love with the man she would eventually marry. They eloped and she got pregnant. Living with him, however, soon became a nightmare, as relations with her in-laws was strained, and her  husband began exhibiting disturbing tendencies. She suffered silently until she got beaten up in front of her daughters. She could not bear inflicting the same hurt on her daughters that she had suffered as a child, and she planned her escape.

Cathy left her daughters with her mom for safekeeping and got on a bus to Manila, showing up at our home the day after she arrived in Manila.  We agreed that if she stayed a year working for us that I would buy her a ticket home so she could visit her children.

Cathy had two daughters, a year apart. The eldest was barely two when she left them. She missed them terribly, and transferred her motherly love to Niccolo. At first, she was worried about communicating as Mike and Niccolo spoke only English. Nosebleed, she would say. But later, she was able to adjust quickly, and soon became the interpreter of the other househelp.

10856097_10204293419029910_174125328_o
Helping me make Christmas ham, a yearly tradition.

Cathy had an amazing zest for life, and was always upbeat. She loved to learn new things, and would watch me as I cooked, asking questions as to how things were done. I encouraged her to read my cookbooks, and essentially gave her free reign in the kitchen to experiment various recipes. Sometimes, it was hit and miss, but she soon mastered the art of pasta.  She learned my recipes by heart and could whip up any dish I asked her to make.  She specially enjoyed helping me prepare Christmas ham.

10876846_10204406679501351_2102868092_o
Cathy was my rock at home. Here she is with me, one Christmas eve. Bugsy refused to be left out of the photo.

Long before the Kasambahay Law came in, I enrolled her in SSS, Pag-ibig and HDMF. Each Christmas and New Year, it was our family’s practice to celebrate Noche Buena together with our househelp around the dinner table. We would invite their close family members to join us. In Cathy’s case, it was Jay-R, her younger brother, who would come.

Hardworking and diligent, Cathy soon became indispensable to our household. She endeared herself to everyone, including my mom. They would spend hours chit-chatting about everything under the sun. Dada would teach her how to take care of the house and of us and give her advice on life. Cathy reciprocated by taking care of Dada whenever she would visit us, and making sure Dada took her medicine properly. When Dada was in Quiapo, Cathy would call to check on her. They were phone pals. Niccolo too was dependent on her for almost everything, from his clothes to his food. Even Bugsy transferred his allegiance to her, as she was the one who fed him, bathed him and took him for walks.

When Mike took ill with cancer in October 2012, Cathy helped me take care of Mike, especially when he stopped going to work and I had to do double time at the office. She and I would take shifts at the hospital when he would have chemo, blood transfusions or stem cell injections. She prepared his meals while I was at work and would cajole him to eat. When Mike died, Cathy was there too, crying with the family. And she was a tower of strength during that dark period after Mike died, making sure I ate, and keeping me company. When I hurt my back and was in terrible pain, Cathy would help me get up from bed and put on my back brace.

524155_3842057244220_1210320727_n
With Malie and Cathy, a year before Mike died.

When Malie, my other maid left, Cathy offered to be the sole kasambahay, saying she preferred to be alone. Anyway, she argued that she only had Niccolo and me to take care of since Bea was away in the US and Cara was in Boracay. I agreed and gave her a hefty raise. She ran the house well, and gained our full trust and confidence. We loved her, and we believe she loved us too.

10849419_10204340979418890_249879269_o
Lectors’ Christmas Party. That’s Cathy in the center seated on the floor.

Knowing how intelligent she was, I asked Cathy if she wanted to serve in our parish after Mike died. She accepted eagerly but was worried how she would be accepted by the village. I took her under my wing and taught her how to become a lector. We would practice her delivery of the English readings before the mass. At home, we would pray the rosary and I would let her lead. Soon, she gained enough confidence and was at ease in front of the congregation.  She was warmly welcomed by our lector family as an equal, and was even chosen to head the secretariat for the last Parish Renewal Experience (PREX). The kasambahays in the village looked up to her, and wanted to emulate her. She was their star, the most popular househelp of the village.

When Yolanda hit Leyte, Cathy was beside herself with worry. Her family lived in Carigara, near Tacloban. There was no news of her family as communication lines were down. We searched on the Internet and TV for news of her children and posted their photos on the portal for survivors. A week later, Jay-R said he could not stand it anymore and would go home and look for them himself. We sent him off with money and supplies. For days, Cathy worked non-stop to get over the fear of not knowing what happened her family. We were overjoyed when Jay-R texted to say he had found them unharmed, other than the house which had lost its roof and kitchen. We sent funds to help them rebuild, and offered for them to come to Manila and stay with us. But Cathy’s mom refused to leave as there were so many dead who had to be prayed for.

Cathy’s children were her pride and joy. Her eldest was studious and got good grades, but it was her spunky and strong-willed youngest who kept Cathy in stitches. The first time Cathy went home, she felt so bad because her children did not recognize her. By the time she was going to return to Manila, the eldest had started calling her mama. I remember the second time she went home, she had huge dolls for her daughters.  Cathy always timed her home visits to make sure she was there when her daughter would receive her medals.

When the Kasambahay Law came into being, Cathy began to take leaves more often and not come home for the night. There was nothing I could do as this was the law, but I cautioned her to be careful and to keep safe.   I noticed that she started putting on make-up and nail polish. I chalked this up to her youth.

When she came back from her last trip to the province, Cathy was often sick. Worried, we sent her for a check-up but she said she was OK. We noticed that she started slacking off as the house was no longer as spic and span as it was before, and clothes would not get washed or ironed right away. We hired someone to come in and help her.

When I got home late from work one night in June, I was surprised to see the house completely dark. I never brought my keys with me as Cathy was always there to open the gate and greet me. Worried that something had happened to her, I called the guardhouse. The security officer said Cathy had left in the morning and not returned. I waited until Bea got home with her keys so we could enter the house. We were surprised to find all her clothes missing. I felt stabbed in the heart. How could Cathy do this to me? I sent a message to Jay-R, asking if he knew why she left.

Later we discovered the letter she had left us. She asked for our forgiveness and said she had to leave because she was pregnant and didn’t know what to do. I was so angry and disappointed! She could have told us, and we would have been the first to help her. We learned that she had planned her escape, sending sealed boxes in the car whenever my mother would go home to her house in Manila. I spoke to Manang, my mom’s maid who was Cathy’s townmate, and she admitted that Cathy had sent boxes of her things to be sent to the province and that they had all been collected by another of their friends. What a cowardly thing to do!

I asked my caretaker in the farm to come with his wife and help us out while we searched for a new maid. His wife learned from the village kasambahays that Cathy had said she was not being paid well and that’s why she left. This incensed my caretaker’s wife, as she knew how well we treat our helpers. I decided to cut clean and removed her from my contact list.

Last Saturday, when I visited my mom, Manang told me that Cathy was very sick.   She started to cry, but since Manang was prone to drama, I told her to stop crying and not to tell me anything about Cathy as she had made her decision to leave us. Sunday night, an FB message popped up from Jay-R. Cathy was dead. He said she had died of typhoid fever in their province, her unborn child with her. I felt stricken to the core.

Jay-R told me that she had been ill for weeks, going in and out of the hospital, and since he could not take care of her as he worked, she decided to go home to the province and get well there. It was not to be. She became gravely ill in Carigara. He told me too that while she was delirious, she kept on saying she loved me and Niccolo and was sorry she had hurt us.

Reflecting on what happened, I guess Cathy did not know how to face the community when she learned she was pregnant, especially as she was a lector. We were always told to give a good example. How could she explain that she was pregnant when everyone knew she was separated from her husband?  It is sad, but Cathy had a pattern of failling in love, and then running away when the situation became difficult.

13904_10203466142788521_3486103470985968514_n
On August 9, 2014, I posted this pciture of Cathy and me on my IG and FB: “Cathy is my super woman. She takes care of my home, my children, and me. We all love her! Oh, I forgot! She takes care of Bugsy and the kois too. And she serves at the parish as a lector.”

Our last conversation before she ran away was about second chances. She had always wanted an annulment from her husband so that she could begin life afresh.  She wanted a second chance at love, just as I had with Mike.  I told her to start writing down her life story as this would be needed, and promised to help her get that annulment. How, I wish I could have helped her!

I write this now to honor Cathy. Yes, she had hurt us deeply, but what I choose to remember is the love we had shared. I trust that she is now in heaven, where there is no pain and only the everlasting joy of being with our Lord. Thank you, Cathy!

 

 

 

 

 

 

 

 

 

 

 

 

Cancer, Death, Family, God, Health, Life, Love, Work

Five Days in 2012

4 Comments

I was cleaning up my soft files just now, and came across a five-day journal written 20 days after we rushed Mike to Asian Hospital. I can never forget that day, the 10th of October, 2012. After a leisurely lunch at Palms Country Club, we returned to the office to work. Mike came out of the toilet trembling and ashen-faced. He was unable to pee. At the hospital, they put a cateter and fresh blood came out. They admitted him for observation and a biopsy. More than a week later, we were told he had cancer.  Life as I knew it stopped.

Those were tumultous days. We didn’t know where and who to run to for advice on how best to handle the situation, what kind of doctors we should approach, what treatment to take.  His urologist Dr. JV Prodigalidad recommended that Mike have a colonoscopy to determine if the cancer had spread. We followed his advice and Mike was admitted to St. Luke’s Hospital for the procedure. Meanwhile, the biopsy samples were sent for additional testing.

Everything was a blur, except for one thing that was crystal clear. I knew I had to be strong for Mike, and for the family.  Bea was in Boston taking up her masters, Cara in Boracay working, and Niccolo was in 4th year high school.  I had a business to run, client commitments to fulfill, and employees who relied on us.  I held on to God’s hand tightly.

I cry as I re-read what I had written almost three years ago.

October 30

St. Lukes. Mike has his scheduled colonoscopy with Dr. Cua. I wait at the reception area, working on the IOS final report. A nurse comes and hands me Mike’s watch and wedding ring. I look at my phone, and it’s JV Prodigalidad apologizing that he has not been feeling well and was thus not able to respond to my text messages. I ask him if he already has the results of the bone scan and the additional steins. He says yes, and that it is not good. He says, “Stage Four, Monette.” The world stops turning. I ask him how much time I have. He says he doesn’t know, and says he prefers to tell Mike himself at his clinic. I break down and cry, with everyone looking at me, some with sympathetic eyes.

Then, Karla calls to say there’s a problem with the office doors and no one can go in. She hears my breaking voice and asks me why. I can’t talk, except to say I will send Jonathan with my keys. Jonathan arrives, saying he doesn’t need to go to the office anymore because the staff has solved the problem. I ask him to watch my things, and go to the chapel to pray and sob uncontrollably. While there, my phone rings and Jonathan says they want me to see the doctors who are working on Mike’s colonoscopy.

With my heart in my throat, I run back to where Mike is. They let me in to the operating room, and I see Mike on his side, peacefully sleeping on the operating table, while holding on to the bed’s bar, with a team of doctors and nurses surrounding him. Dr. Cua shows me a cyst on the screen and says he will excise it and have it biopsied. He says other than small ones, this was the only one they found. I beg to stay, but am told to leave and just wait until the procedure is over. I couldn’t help myself but bend over and kiss Mike, to the doctors’ surprise.

When Mike was done, we have a quick lunch at Becky’s Kitchen. Oh, how my heart ached while I sat with Mike. In the car, I check my mail and notice an email from Myla Reyes asking Sab and me to attend an exhibitors’ meeting in the afternoon. I call the office to check on things, and talk to Sab who is at her wits’ end because HIMOAP had scheduled the meeting suddenly for 3pm and she had tons of other work to do for the event. I told her I would handle the meeting and to send me the report. I then asked Jonathan to drop me off at BPAP, to bring Mike home to rest, and to get the biopsy slides for Arnel.

At BPAP, I worked furiously at the TeamAsia Room on the IOS report.   Raymond was coming in at 2pm and I intended to discuss the financials with him before the HIMOSC exhibitor meeting. All the while, there was a big gaping hole in my heart. How can anyone not see it bleed?

I called Arnel and told him what I had learned from JV. I told him I didn’t know how to tell Mike. He said JV should do it, not me. I called JV’s secretary and she set us up for 8pm.

October 31

Mike is set to meet Dr. Gary Lorenzo, the oncologist recommended by our friend, Dr. Arnel Diaz. I want to go with Mike but can’t because I have a Handling Difficult People seminar with nine people signed up. It is the most difficult teaching assignment I have ever had to do.

November 1

At St. Luke’s again for Mike’s CT scan by 7:45am. The test is scheduled at 10am, but he has to start taking barium two hours before. Poor Mike hasn’t had anything to eat or drink since last night. I bring the slides to Pathology for a second reading by Dr. Zamuco. The test ends by 11 and we go to have a hearty breakfast at Bizu. A quick trip back home and we leave for our hideaway in Alfonso with Niccolo and Bugsy who is beside himself with excitement at the prospect of a car ride. At Alfonso, Mike is so tired, he falls asleep almost the whole afternoon and night. I break down while preparing dinner, burning a panful of garlic and onions. I watch him sleep and feel that he is slipping away.

November 3

We’re on the way back to Southbay with Niccolo and Bugsy. Mike insists on driving the E150. We did a quick stop at Mahogany Market so I could buy two guyabano trees that I intend to plant in Southbay for their leaves, as well as some herbs for cooking. Then Niccolo decides he wants buko tart at Rowena’s. Next stop: Robinson Nuvali for a pit stop.

For lunch, I whipped up a quick creamy mushroom pasta. Mike was tired from the long drive, and settled himself in front of the TV. Niccolo has been asking us to put up the Christmas décor early this year, and since Cara is arriving on the 16th, I decided to go ahead and put up the Christmas tree. After opening the boxes, I discover that only half the rice lights were working and my lovely angel was broken. Niccolo didn’t want to go with me to the store to get lights. I made a few calls to friends, but no one was free. I found myself going to my neighbor Lily White, who very kindly agreed to go with me. We prayed together and I felt at peace waiting for her in her quiet prayer room.

When I got home, I noticed that Mike was quieter than usual. Over dinner, Niccolo was bugging us to allow him to go to Boracay in April with his batchmates. Mike said we need to know if there will be parents around and who he would be with, as he would most probably not be in any condition to go. When Niccolo left the table, Mike told me that I should be prepared in case things did not work out as we wanted. I could no longer hold back my tears, and I broke down in front of Mike. Oh, God, why? Why?

It’s been three years, and yet re-reading this journal, it feels like yesterday. The pain is always there, sometimes numbed, at other times, palpably fresh and throbbing. I read somewhere that pain is the price one pays for having loved. Yes, it is a steep price, but I am forever grateful to have loved and been loved by Mike.