The days seem to whiz by so fast these past two weeks, leaving precious little time for writing. Each night, I look forward to writing my blog, but work and family concerns are jealous lovers and take over my free time.
The truth is I need to be more disciplined when it comes to writing. For 20 years, I’ve watched Mike sit down weekly, and sometimes, daily, to think, to do research, and then type out his articles for various columns, newspapers, and even, books. Each time he would ask me to copy edit his work, and each time I did, I would fall in love with him all over again, captivated by how intelligent and insightful he was, and how words just seemed to flow naturally. I pray that I be more like him when it comes to discipline, and so after sloughing off for two weeks, I was finally jarred into writing again. Something happened the other day that brought back vivid memories of Mike.
Good friends Angie Laborte and Dr. Mae Corvera wanted to meet me at Palms to discuss a conference they were organizing and to pick my brains on how to market it. Angie is one of the founders of Project Pink, a support group for cancer patients and their families. Mae is sub-section head for Family Medicine & Palliative Medicine at Asian Hospital and board chairman of The Ruth Foundation for Palliative and Hospice Care. Mae was a bastion of strength for our family during Mike’s last few weeks. When Mike learned he had cancer, he made me promise not to let him die in the hospital. I told him then that he would die in my arms. With Mae’s help in palliative and hospice care, I was able to make good on my promise.
That last morning before Mike slipped into a semi-coma is seared into my memory like a burn that never heals. It was a bright early Saturday morning, and Mike had refused to eat anything since the day before, even ice-cream. Frail and spent, he was listless and didn’t seem to recognize me. I was beside myself with worry, and called Mae frantically. She came quickly with her team, examined Mike, and recommended we bring him to the hospital right away for emergency intervention. We had been in and out of hospitals in the past two weeks, and I felt like screaming and pounding heaven’s doors for some respite. Nevertheless, we called for an ambulance.
Is it time, I asked Mae in anguish? Mae gently told me only God will determine the time, but that it would be good for the children to say goodbye. She advised me to call my children and ask them to come right away.
We helped Mike into his wheelchair, and brought him to the balcony outside our room. Niccolo sat close beside him, held his hand, and with heads bowed, father and son talked. It was heartbreaking to watch, and I turned my back to call Bea first in Boston where she was finishing up her masters, and then Cara in Boracay. After visiting Mike for a few days, Cara had just returned to Shangri-la Boracay where she worked as a chef, and I knew she had used up all her leaves already. I called Cara, and she said she would buy a ticket right away.
The ambulance attendants arrived to take Mike, but Niccolo refused to let them take him. He asked for more time to be with his dad. I remember weeping silently as I watched them, and then Mae embracing me and telling me it was time to go. It was then I told her of my promise not to let Mike die in the hospital. Mae understood, and said Mike just needed some tests done so they would know what next steps to take, and that we could bring him home right after if that was what I wanted to do. Mike died the next Saturday, not in the hospital, but at home, in my arms, just as I had promised him.
October is Breast Cancer Month, and each year, The Ruth Foundation for Palliative and Hospice Care organizes a conference to promote palliative and hospice care in the Philippines. On October 14-18, The Ruth Foundation, together with the Department of Occupational and Family Medicine of the Asian Hospital and Medical Center and the Philippine Society of Hospice and Palliative Medicine, will organize Leadership for H.O.P.E. 2014, a five-day conference consisting of an opening and a closing plenary, sandwiching several workshops. Previous H.O.P.E. conferences were small, but this time, they had invited expert conference faculty from the United States, New Zealand and Asia Pacific.
Still wearing pink ribbons on their bodice from the press conference they attended earlier, Angie and Mae were excited to tell me that Filinvest City had decided to support their conference, and was lending use of the Filinvest Tent for the opening plenary on October 14 and the first two workshops on October 15. With a bigger venue, the challenge was getting the word out so that more physicians, nurses and health care professionals, as well as, support group leaders, organizers and volunteers would attend and learn from the international conference faculty.
The first workshop, “Hospice & Palliative Care Management,” seeks to help clinical and administrative leaders in program formation, maintenance and management. The second workshop, “Owning Stage Zero,” will empower support group leaders, organizers and volunteers in providing psychosocial care and support group facilitation in such areas as empathy and compassion; trauma, grief and bereavement; active listening skills; facilitation of support groups and family meetings; and self-care and resilience.
Targeting ministry and volunteer leaders, the third workshop, “Practical Compassion Through Loving Individuals in Final Transition (L.I.F.T.) on October 16-17 will instruct them on how to teach others to provide basic care-giving, to meet spiritual needs, to listen and communicate, to accept crisis and suffering, and to handle aging, stress, dementia and the intricacies of death and dying.
Concurrently, End-of-Life Nursing Education Consortium (ELNEC), together with the American Association of Colleges of Nursing (AACN) and the City of Hope in Los Angeles, California, will conduct a two-day certificate course to teach nurses professional approaches to improve care and quality of life for end-of-life patients.
Finally, the workshop, “Empowering by Example” will have care leaders share their experiences and best practices for palliative and hospice care of cancer patients.
Having been on the receiving end of Mae’s and The Ruth Foundation’s kindness and generosity during the darkest times of my life, I readily agreed to help spread the word. We need more health care professionals and volunteers trained in the intricacies of palliative and hospice care to extend a helping hand when rough times come and turn our lives upside down. It’s not just the person who is dying who needs love, sensitivity and compassion, but the people they leave behind who are broken and need angels to help get them through. I will forever be grateful to Mae and her team for being there when I most needed them.
P.S. To learn more about the conference, contact The Ruth Foundation at [email protected], 8086079, 0906 314 1421 or 0908 814 4799. And please, may I ask you to help spread the word, so that there be more angels like Dr. Mae Corvera and The Ruth Foundation to help families cope with final transitions?